


As Strong as Life

by ribbons



Category: Haru wo Daiteita (Embracing Love), Haru wo Daiteita - Fandom
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-21
Updated: 2008-07-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 10:31:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribbons/pseuds/ribbons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katou and Yoshizumi can't say "no" to Iwaki's last requests.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Strong as Life

The week before he died, Iwaki forced Katou to swear that despair would not triumph over life -- that Katou would continue to act, and that Katou would someday let himself love someone else worthy of him.

Katou had screamed, "What's the use of promising something that won't happen? There can never be another Iwaki-san!" Iwaki had replied, "It will comfort me. You will let me die believing that I have defeated my own selfishness."

Katou's eyes had been stormy with mutiny and misery, but he had whispered, "Then of course I will promise you that." Iwaki was relieved that Katou was no longer arguing about "letting" him die, but he was also well aware that allowing nature its ruthless ways had never been Katou's inclination. Katou was "letting" him die only because Katou had seen how much it sapped Iwaki's remaining strength when well-meaning visitors pleaded with him to "fight on."

The last week, the only other visitor allowed in Iwaki's room was Yoshizumi. Yoshizumi was allergic to sentimentality, so Yoshizumi was restful. Yoshizumi brought snacks and changes of clothing for Katou, as Kaneko had become too well-known as Katou's manager to elude the press. While Katou showered or exercised -- knowing that Yoshizumi would call him immediately if Iwaki's condition changed in any way -- Yoshizumi stayed by Iwaki's side. He provided light chatter when Iwaki felt like discussing films, and he sat in companionable silence whenever Iwaki drifted into sleep.

The day before Iwaki died, he said to Yoshizumi, "It would be a great favor to me if you would care for Katou when I am gone."

Yoshizumi couldn't help frowning -- which caused Iwaki to smile. "I'm not trying to nauseate you."

Yoshizumi muttered, "Are you sure you're not delirious?"

Iwaki continued smiling. "Quite sure. I'm not asking you to love him or to cover for him. He's become quite a grown-up now that he's almost forty, and he can take care of himself."

"Then what--"

"He needs someone to be generous to. He needs people who are worthy of his generosity." Iwaki had become too weak to raise his hand up to Yoshizumi's head, but Yoshizumi instinctively pressed his cheek down against Iwaki's palm. "You will spend time with him?"

Yoshizumi nodded against Iwaki's palm, his throat too constricted to answer out loud. Iwaki murmured, "Good," and closed his eyes, still smiling.

Over the rest of the winter and throughout the spring, Katou sought out Yoshizumi almost daily. They seldom spoke of Iwaki, even though the dead man's presence was what bound them together, but Yoshizumi sometimes wondered if Iwaki had meant to continue "living" through him -- that Katou would cling to Yoshizumi's company the rest of their lives because he had been someone close to Iwaki.

One summer day, as they walked through a market, Katou suddenly stopped at a table heaped high with fabrics. He appeared mesmerized by a silk printed with cherry blossoms.

"I haven't seen that color since --" He broke off with an apologetic glance at Yoshizumi. "Sorry. Wasn't trying to nauseate you."

Yoshizumi surprised himself by grinning. "It's okay. Even though you've now ruined that color for me."

Katou grinned back. "Then I promise this won't be for you," he said, as he handed the fabric merchant some cash. As the merchant's assistant packaged up the silk, Yoshizumi theatrically shuddered, eliciting another grin from Katou.

"What do you intend to use it for?" Yoshizumi asked. "Underwear?"

Katou laughed out loud. "I wonder, would that please Iwaki's spirit? Or would he find it too outrageous? Either way, it would serve him right for not being around to stop me." His smile dimmed as he continued, "I'm actually going to use it to wrap up some of his belongings. I couldn't bear just to dump them into a box." He continued, his voice thoughtful, "It will be like this fabric is wearing them, when it holds them."

Yoshizumi glanced sharply at Katou, but refrained from comment until they'd reached the gate of the market. As they exited, he cautiously stated, "You have been taking this better than he would have, had you been the one to die first."

Katou looked directly at Yoshizumi. "Do you really think so? It is all an act, you understand. But I promised him I would keep acting, and that's all I can give him now."

Yoshizumi slowly said, "I could use your help going over the script I'm trying to learn... and there's a good yakitori place a few blocks from here."

"It would be my pleasure," Katou said. Several steps later, he added, "Would you then have time to read with me the new script from Hida-sensei?" His smile had brightened again. "You have a way of helping me see outside of my usual lens. It's one of the reasons Iwaki loved you too."

Yoshizumi's heart skipped a beat. _It's just a phrase -- don't overthink this!_ He managed to keep his voice calm and friendly as he answered, "I would be honored to do so. So many actors would kill for an advance look at that script."

Katou nodded. "Indeed, they would." His eyes locked again with Yoshizumi's. "But not many actors can challenge me anymore. Not the way Iwaki-san did. Not the way you can."

Yoshizumi neither looked away nor flinched. "I am not Iwaki-san. No one can replace him."

Katou's voice was steady. "No, no one can. But what kind of actor would I be if I wasn't capable of loving different things with all my heart? "

A silence stretched between them -- a silence enveloped both with sorrow and possibility. Yoshizumi started to lift his hand towards Katou's cheek, but then thought better of it and let it fall onto Katou's shoulder.

"I have so much to learn," he sighed.

"So do I," Katou softly replied. "I can't help feeling glad that I'm alive to enjoy it."


End file.
